Upset is an understatement

So last night we fought. It was a pretty intense fight. It had been building up for weeks. I don't always feel loved anymore let alone appreciated. He always uses work as an excuse for being tired. He forgets I get up the same time with him every day. Just because I'm on maternity leave doesn't mean I don't work hard. I have a 14 (nearly 15) week old to take care of all day. Unlike him I don't get days off from it. He hurt me so badly and when he went to sleep on the sofa I sent him this text.

"I find it difficult these days talking to you as you seem to always use work as an excuse. I'm fed up of putting everything on hold for you to be happy. I'm fed up of pretending to be something I'm not and liking things I don't just to please others. If I wanted to be treated like a mug I would of stayed with my ex. I'm sick of nagging you all the time. It feels like I'm only around to take care of Eth and for the occasional lay. I'm tired of having the same argument all the time and the only way to end it may be to end it! They say having a baby changes relationships but I never expected it to drive a wedge between us. Don't get me wrong whatever happens between us Eth will grow up knowing that both his parents are there for him. Something I never had."

He apologised and we had a long talk but I can honestly say it still feels pretty tense between us this morning.

Nap time

It's very rare that I manage to get a moment to fire up the laptop and just type away. This is one of those rare moments. The little man is asleep and although I know I should be trying to catch up on some sleep as well I'm not tired.
This got me thinking. Apart from the first few days when we brought Ethan back from the hospital I've not actually been tired during the day. I don't know if this is because I'm used to the sleep deprevation or I'm just running on steam. The other half on the other hand is a differant story. He gets tired alot easier than I do. Maybe when I return to work I shall be just as tired but for now I feel fine.

Settling in

I can't believe how well I've settled into motherhood. Before Ethan was born I was worried I'd turn out like my mum and not be very maternal and leave him at the drop of a hat. I can gladly say that I hate the thought of leaving him and even though sometimes his crying can get a little too much I will always be there for him.

I fall in love with him more each and every day.